Full-Moon Night, under the Pipal Tree — I
Long Tale of Gathering of Emotions: The First Night
Neelam Oswal, Psychologist, Vinchurni, Phaltan
Not so long ago has this happened!
This is a story of a prolonged meeting which took place on two starlit nights under a Pipal tree.
This was the meeting of emotions, convened by The Mighty Anger!
There was no news whatsoever of this event. In these times of 24-hour news channels, newspapers, Facebook and Whatsapp, it is difficult for any incident to remain unknown – but unknown it remained!
Journalists might have received some hint. A few were in fact thinking of keeping a watch on the house of emotions. But Nobody was sure about where exactly emotions resided. While some said emotions resided in the head of humans, some felt that emotions resided in their hearts.
In this confusion, before anyone could come to a conclusion or do anything, the meeting was convened, it took place and with important outcomes!
It was decided to meet on a full-moon night at the base of the Pipal tree near the entrance of the village, after the birds had gone silent. It was the first such meeting of emotions. All were enthusiastic and curious to know why the meeting had been called and what would transpire. The night finally arrived. Under the spread of the Pipal tree, emotions began gathering one by one. The Pipal tree was shedding its leaves, but that night, the air was still, so even the leaves did not fall.
The first to arrive as a couple were Envy and Jealousy. They had always felt they had to be ahead of the world. They would burn from within if anyone went ahead of them. It was also their habit to hide and hoard whatever was good in them. They were forever worried that someone would take away what belonged to them.
On their heels came Worry. She was stuck in its own whirlpool of what if this or that happened. Most of these anxieties were of course imaginary. Worry arrived and sat at the base of the tree with its head hung low. The Pipal and its base looked beautiful in the moonlight but Worry hardly noticed anything.
Then came Fear. She was scared to come alone at night. She waited for a long time seeking company and then set off by herself. She checked a thousand times if someone was following her. She recalled hearing that a huge demon might come after her. Somehow, she managed to reach the base of the tree. The memory of having heard that there were ghosts on Pipal trees made her uneasy. She kept on getting startled by the chirping of the night insects, the howl of a jackal from far away and even by the rustling of leaves.
Sorrow and Dejection came together. In fact, Dejection had not wanted to go anywhere. She always wondered why one should do anything at all. She loved above all, to lie on her bed remembering past events but Sorrow had dragged her along.
Sorrow was never at ease. Wanting to reduce her discomfort, she was constantly moving from one place to another. She too had no idea of what was going to happen that night. ‘But, let me try this too, and see what happens,’ has she felt.
Behind them came Remorse. He had been entrusted the responsibility of making proper arrangements for the meeting but seeing that many had arrived before him, he regretted having started late.
Those who had come early occupied places according to their convenience. As the numbers increased, conversation began in pairs or small groups of three. Suddenly, a large group of emotions arrived on the scene. They included Shame, Contempt, Surprise, Irritation, Joy, Love, Friendship etc. Now all sat in a large circle at the tree base. After the initial greetings and pleasantries, they slowly got down to the subject of the meeting. All had been told only this much – that they would be meeting that night. Nobody knew the purpose. Some felt good that this was a rare occasion for them to meet everyone.
Gradually, everyone joined the conversation. In between, someone would laugh or there would be the sound of clapping for one another... as if all had forgotten that they had gathered together for some purpose!
Suddenly, someone stood up. Most of the others who were engrossed in their conversation did not realize that someone had stood up. The feeling that had stood up looked at the sky and said peevishly, “We are all sitting here killing time. The moon has risen so high, but where is the person who has called us?” Everyone realized then that it was Irritation that had just spoken. She was right though. Some looked up at the moon overhead. Some supported Irritation saying “Yes, but where is he? Have we nothing to do? How long have we been waiting! Check if he is coming or we shall go back to our respective tasks.” Many were actually in the mood of fun but when they saw others piqued, they kept quiet.
All at once came the sounds swish-swish-thump-thump. Everyone understood that their host had arrived. They craned their necks to witness his arrival. Looking at everyone from the corner of his eye and making sure that everyone’s attention was on him, Anger made his appearance. The crowd made way for him to go to the front. He too puffed his chest out proudly and made his way through the assembly, seating himself before them on a seat higher than the rest. He looked around. At his arrival and his confident stride, half of those assembled had sat up straight. Even the rest, catching his eye, became silent. Everyone was quiet.
Witnessed by the risen moon, the whispering Pipal leaves, the cool midnight breeze and the constant chirping of the nocturnal insects, Anger began to speak. “Greetings to all! First of all, I apologize for having come late.” The feelings welcomed him by clapping. “You all know how quickly I arrive generally. But tonight as I was leaving to come here, some man called me for some work. Now work cannot be postponed even by a second, right? Therefore, I became late for the meeting that I had myself called.” That Anger spoke normally like others and even sought pardon for his mistake was something that had never happened hitherto; but today’s meeting itself was something unprecedented.
Looking around at everyone, Anger said, “It appears that everyone is here...” “From quite a while back...” muttered Irritation, looking down.
Ignoring Irritation’s remark, Anger completed the sentence, “... so let us come to the main issue of today’s meeting.”
Everyone sat up and became attentive.
“I have called everyone to this meeting because I’m enraged at the slavery that all of us emotions are subjected to. Let us together find a way to end our slavish existence!” In a ringing voice and laying stress on each word, anger presented the main issue of the meeting in a single breath. Having spoken, he paused, as if to gauge the response of the audience.
“Slavery?” “Existence?” “Rage?” Many such questions began popping from the crowd.
Anger had expected this ignorance.
“Yes, slavery!” Anger’s face was swollen in rage. “Our masters – these humans – summon us at all odd hours, even at times in the middle of the night. We go to them as soon as we are called. If this is not slavery, what is it? Don’t we require rest? We hear that slavery has been abolished in the world. But our lot remains the same. I feel working without rest is nothing but slavery.” Anger spoke with emphasis. Looking at the enquiring faces before him with pity, he remarked, “And to make matters worse, you are not even aware of this.”
The audience sat stunned. Anger continued and spoke at length. Bombastic words like ‘independence,’ ‘slavery,’ ‘abolishing’ etc. fell on their ears. As his speech became verbose, the audience started becoming restless. People started whispering among themselves and this soon spread among the entire audience.
Anger became agitated that people were not attentive. Stamping his foot hard, he said in a loud voice, “Do not talk among yourselves. In a meeting there is generally a rule that each one should know everything.” At this, the momentary silence was broken and people began speaking loudly. Anger was hard put to control the unruly crowd. It was finally agreed that those who wanted to speak would raise their hands and then speak when their turn came.
The bolder among them stood up and said, “I feel it is not a question of slavery but one of inequality.” Looking at the confused faces of the audience, he continued, “Now look, Anger is kept occupied constantly. Same is the case with Worry and Sadness but poor Joy hardly gets any work.”
The chairman of the meeting, Anger, became pensive. He could not even recognize the speaker but understood that he was not corroborating his stand. Taking charge again, he said, “Okay, okay. Let us take a vote on this. Whoever agrees with me that these humans constantly keep us busy, raise your hands.” 2-3 hands went up immediately. Anger saw that they were his own relatives – Rage, Irritation and Sulking. 4-5 more hands went up slowly. The hands that were raised were those of his neighbours – Jealousy, Envy, Disgust, Pride, Arrogance and Sorrow.
Anger realized that only eight among the feelings that had gathered felt that they were being constantly utilized. What about the others? Used to having his way, Anger spied Happiness sitting in a corner. “What, Happiness? It is said that people are always looking for Happiness and you say you don’t have much work. How is this possible?” Anger was pleased at his own cleverness.
Happiness remained silent for a while. “Go ahead, speak up. Why are you silent now?” Having been provoked, Anger now wanted to provoke others.
Happiness began speaking slowly. “You are right, chairman Sir.” Anger was pleased at being called ‘Sir.’ “These humans are always after me but I hate them the most who are always behind me.” His expression was noteworthy. “Therefore, I remain away from them.”
“But listen, humans always take pictures of themselves, to show others that they are happy. Is this all simply an act? Nobody takes a single photo of me.” Everyone knew it was Envy that had spoken.
Happiness was piqued. “While it is true that I appear in photos,” he replied, “it is also true that in most of the human lives I’m present only in their photos.”
“Does that mean you are shirking your work?” Someone from the crowd asked.
“Not at all! I like only those who go about their work and do not make it their sole aim to acquire and own me. I do go to such persons!”
“Hey! This is surprising! Then, are feelings the slaves of men or are men under the command of emotions like Happiness? And then, His highness Happiness goes only to those he takes a fancy to!” Everyone was wondering who the person was who was raising queries.
Though they could not identify the questioner, the question itself was important. It changed the direction of the discussion. Everyone, including Anger, began thinking in another direction. Once more, people started talking among themselves. Anger was wondering if he had been defeated. But he did not want this to be known to others. He wondered whose voice it was that had been asking these questions. Anger looked in the direction from where the voice had come. He was sitting calmly behind everyone but like Anger, seated on a place higher than the rest. Who were around him – his relatives or friends? Who was this, in the gathering of emotions, who dared to sit in a place as high as that of Anger? The owner of the voice too was looking at Anger. Anger wondered if he was smiling at him in mockery.
Recognition came in a rush. Though he had met him rarely, this was Conscience. By his side were seated Logic, Curiosity and Scepticism. Hey! I had called only all the emotions. Who had called this lot? How did they come uninvited? Anger had found something to save his face. Clapping his hands, pointing to Conscience, he said, “Hey! Aren’t you Conscience? You aren’t one of us. You are a thought. Today’s meeting was only for emotions and feelings. Who called you here? Not only do you come uninvited, you even interrupt the proceedings and cause confusion. Throw him out!” With every sentence, Anger’s voice kept rising. He commanded his servants to throw the unwanted persons out.
Looking at the servants of Anger such as Hypocrisy and Pride, Conscience began speaking. “Yes, I am Conscience. In a manner of speaking, I am a thought. My job is to distinguish between right and wrong. Answer my question first. I and my relatives would leave voluntarily after that, if you so wish.” With this new turn of events, all those who had assembled were plunged into confusion. Everyone turned to look at Conscience,.
“Tell me something but answer after careful thought. Has it ever happened to any one of you that you were present but at that time there was no thought at all?” Those who had gathered that night were getting to hear different things, difficult to comprehend. Now here was another question to stretch the brain! “I mean, you exist but has it ever happened that no thought existed simultaneously? Look here, we can definitely distinguish between light and dark, because where there is light, there is no darkness and where there is darkness, there is no light. Is it the same with you emotions and we thoughts?”
“Is that so? What is the answer?” The emotions began asking one another.
Happiness said, “With me are memories of pleasant events. Should we term memories as thoughts?”
Sorrow and Dejection said, “With us are old, bitter memories.” Dejection stopped speaking. She did not want to proceed further, but Sorrow continued, “And then the thought of what to do with those because of whom these bitter events occurred...” Sorrow was startled at her own statement and stopped. Gathering herself, she added, “Yes, it is true that thoughts are with us – sometimes about incidents of the past and at times about what should or can be done in the future!”
“Okay, now tell me, suppose these thoughts that are with you are removed. What all are you left with?” Conscience asked the question with a smile.
“I’m left with trembling,” said Fear, apprehensively. “My feet tremble, my heart thumps loudly...”
“And I’m left with laziness.” Dejection must have said something spontaneously for the first time. All turned to look at her with admiration.
“Okay, Dejection, now look here. If there was only laziness without the thought of bitter memories, would people call you Dejection?”
Dejection thought over the matter. “No. For me to exist, there has to be physical lethargy and the thought of bitter memories.”
Without his knowledge, even Anger had begun to think over the question. He had enormous energy and always thought of destroying the person before him. Everyone was pensive.
Looking at everyone, Conscience said, “It is the same with each one of you. Without thoughts, no emotion can be complete. Hence, with or without invitation, thoughts will attend this meeting of feelings!” He continued, “From time immemorial, attempts have been made to determine the superiority and inferiority between thoughts and emotions, but let us not fall prey to these efforts. Only if there is harmony between us can we successfully solve our problems. Instead of throwing me out, let us throw out the discordant idea of separating ‘me’ and ‘you’ as we are actually friends.”
Anger was now left far behind everyone. Even the servants of Anger had forgotten that they had set off to evict Conscience and were now listening to him with attention, nodding their heads.
“I accept what you say! We will all be together. However, the main question remains that some emotions like Anger are overloaded with work. What about that?” Scepticism raised this doubt.
“Wait a bit, Scepticism. Happiness is one of us, but he decides where to go and where not to. Why then can’t Anger stay away?” Immediately after being accepted by emotions in this gathering, Logic started drawing inference on the basis of two different points heard tonight itself. Conscience looked at him admiringly.
When he saw that the tide was turning against him, Anger suddenly stood up. “You thoughts do not appear to have an idea of my strength. Just as it is well-nigh impossible to extinguish a forest fire or to contain the waves of the sea, once I have been summoned by someone, it is almost impossible for me not to go there, even if I don’t really want to.”
“He’s right! He’s right!” The kith and kin of Anger stood up and vociferously supported him. All others too were aware of this to some extent and joined the chorus.
Conscience thought over the matter. It had always been his perception that Anger had no awareness of himself. Therefore, he caused harm to himself and to others. However, in the context of the meeting, he began re-thinking on his perception. He had arrived at this conclusion a long time back with the help of Logic, based on Anger’s usual behaviour. However, it was also true that today’s meeting had been called by Anger, the reasons for which were not clear but it could certainly be said that he was now conscious of being overworked.
Then all, including Conscience agreed that Anger too, wanted relief from the burden of his work and had therefore convened the meeting to find a way out.
Suggestions started coming forth on how Anger’s work-load could be reduced. People started narrating what they had heard. “What if Anger let some time elapse before beginning his work? I have heard that by counting numbers, anger reduces.”
“No, no! People do say that but to me, it looks like the prayer we routinely say before every meal,” said Anger.
“Then... someone has said that we should look at the person who is the object of anger from a different point of view.”
“Not at all. There can be no darkness where there is light. When angry, there can be only one perspective. Other perspectives will only be after the matter has cooled down.” In Anger’s view, there was some flaw in each suggestion.
Nobody knew what to say.
After some silence, Conscience started again. “In short, we all wish to help Anger but cannot find a way to do so. Never mind. Let us all ponder over the matter and meet and discuss tomorrow. It is quite late now and the night is almost ending.”
“Very true.” All looked at the moon, which was setting. They had to go. They decided to meet again the next night to find a solution to Anger’s predicament. In spite of objections from Boredom, Dejection, Disappointment, Fear and a few others, it was decided to meet again. The crowd dispersed, conversing in groups about the events during the meeting.
Anger and Conscience continued to sit facing each other in the coolness of dawn. Anger felt good that other feelings were prepared to help him. However, he had some serious questions about his own identity. Till now, he had been certain that he was an emotion. However, if as Conscience had put it, he was an amalgam of thought and emotion, how would he describe himself?
As if he had read his mind, Conscience said, “We all are parts of the mind. Some have called us as ‘Mental Factors’. Mind is consciousness and mental factors keep on arising time and again on this consciousness.”
But what is the mind? This question arose in Anger’s mind. Now his eyelids had become heavy. Even so, with a yawn, Anger asked, “Hey Conscience, you project yourself as very knowledgeable. Do you know what the mind is, what it looks like?” Conscience was feeling drowsy but confronting important issues was his nature. Besides, he had heard a lot about the mind-matter phenomenon. It was his understanding that the mind was the tool for man to understand himself and the world. He tried explaining this to Anger.
The meeting had not resolved all the issues. Some new issues too had cropped up. However, the most important aspect of the meeting was that Anger and Conscience had for the first time, sat face-to-face and spoken. The doubts they had in their minds about each other’s intentions, had begun to get clarified. Even this was a big achievement of the day’s meeting!
The success of the first night
The next day was different for everyone. It was full of memories of the previous night, newly discovered identity of themselves, self awareness and the uneasiness that accompanied this. It was the first day after they became aware of themselves. For Conscience and Anger, it turned out to be a very important day. The discussions of the previous night had made them introspect.
An important question was disturbing Conscience. He had been able to convince all feelings that they could not exist without thoughts. Now he wondered if it was possible for thoughts to exist in the mind without feelings. When does the mind start working? Conscience tossed this question in his mind. When eyes behold something, they start working. Same is true for ears, nose, tongue and skin. Each of them starts working when they are stimulated by outside stimulus. Likewise, when does Mind start working? He could not find the beginning point for mind’s work. When there are external inputs, mind does analyse them. But even when there are no external inputs, the mind keeps ruminating over past incidents. Conscience therefore concluded that the mind is constantly at work.
He began looking if thoughts could exist independently without any emotion in this ever functioning mind. For this search to be successful, it was necessary to determine the nature of thoughts. What actually are thoughts? They manifest externally mostly as words or as images at times. They are related to events of the past or what is happening at present or even about plans for tomorrow. Memories, logic, analysis, problem-solving, determining right and wrong are some of the manifestations of thoughts. Memories come accompanied with their pleasant or unpleasant feelings. Even when one decides about the future, this too is coloured by past memories and the feelings at those times. When the memories become very old, the intensity of the emotions that were then present reduced, but there still are traces, like the faded colour of old clothes.
He had often heard the idealistic exhortation, ‘Do not take an emotional decision; take a rational decision!’ The more he thought over it, the clearer it became that it was very rare and difficult to adhere to this ideal. The emotions of past experiences, unfulfilled desires, expectation of happiness, the trends of the times and many other such factors knowingly or unknowingly influenced the decision-making process. Thus, though it is said that man has free-will, this is not entirely true. Conscience then began looking at scientific research activities where one is expected to be completely rational or logical. Even here, he found emotions like belief and faith in certain basic tenets.
‘Oh! So even thoughts require the company of emotions! The only difference is that sometimes emotions assume priority and sometimes, thoughts. Just as emotions vacillate between the extremes of pleasant and unpleasant, thoughts too have two poles – positive and negative. Also, it is rarely that there is a deliberate effort to think. Most of the times, thoughts come and go on their own, along with the flow of the mind, just as emotions do! At times, they slip away with the current and at times, get caught in a whirlpool.’ This similarity between thoughts and emotions was a great discovery by Conscience, which he had made on his own.
His feelings of ‘superior’ and ‘inferior’ disintegrated. He realised that even if one among them had a problem, it would affect everyone. He was completely ready to find solution for the issue raised by Anger.
Anger too was no less uneasy. When he had convened the meeting, he had adopted the stand that humans put him to work and made him suffer. From this stance, he had now reached a stage where he understood that he could be the cause of great devastation. He was disturbed by the knowledge that people suffered because of him. ‘What is the purpose of my existence? Nobody wants me. Should I end my life, then?’ He once asked himself.
In last night’s meeting, eight among those who had come had agreed with his claim that they were being made to work like slaves. They were Rage, Irritation, Sulking, Jealousy, Envy, Disgust, Sorrow and Pride. What would they be feeling now? Would they too be thinking that others were being put to trouble because of them? Would they too, like me be unwanted by humans? Would there be amongst those gathered, some who felt they were of some use? Joy, Love and Self-confidence would certainly feel they were of some use. Does this mean that there are two kinds of emotions – one useful to humans and the other causing them hardship? He decided to pose this question to everyone that day. Anger had now discarded the thought of finishing himself.
Something very surprising had happened to Fear. Though apprehensive, she had done something unprecedented – she had spoken in front of everyone. She was trying repeatedly to remember: ‘What had I said?’ She had replied before anyone else to the question ‘What was left with emotion after subtracting thought from it,’ by saying “I’m left with trembling, tremor in my legs, thumping of the heart,” etc. Like the repeating groove of a gramophone record, this sentence kept flashing in her mind again and again. After the tenth repetition, a sudden thought flashed like lightning in her mind: ‘Oh! Seems that the body of a human is just a piece of paper for us to express ourselves! Had this body not been there, the shivering and trembling, the thumping of the heart, the lethargy of Dejection, the strength of Anger – how would they be known?’ She decided to present this thought before all. Her decision to speak in front of everyone made her hands and legs shake.
Happiness was in a different situation. He was imagining a strange and funny scene. He was playing a game of ‘Catch me if you can’ with man and in this game, Happiness was always ahead. At times, someone would manage to touch or brush him but in a twinkle, Happiness would slip away from his grasp and run away. The man would only be left with Disappointment and Sorrow. He burst into laughter at the scene he had conjured. But he too had become weary of the catching game. He too felt the pull of a peaceful life.
Worry had never felt like Anger that man had made her a slave. Last night’s meeting had, for the first time, made her feel that she too was overburdened with work. But not having any work also worried her. Her allotted work was to properly think over future possibilities in advance so that there would be less uncertainty while actually doing the job. Was it likely that there was some way by which her burden of work would be reduced and she would get work satisfaction as well?
Not only for Anger, Conscience, Worry and Fear but for everyone, it was an uneasy day. Everyone was anxious about the second half of the meeting. They were curious to know if they would receive answers to their questions too, along with those raised by Anger. Even the Pipal tree shed its leaves faster. Perhaps it had received a hint of the arrival of unseasonal rains.
Translated by C. Ravindranath, September 2016