“ All the world’s possibilities in man are waiting as the tree waits in its seed...”   

Sri Aurobindo

The Diary of Shekhar Mandi

Anamika

 (Selected parts from the diary of Shekhar Mandi, a person of no greater importance than that he was a human being, with all his faults and qualities, who loved and lived life to his best capacity)

Entry – my name is Shekhar and today is my 15th birthday. I got this diary as a gift from my uncle, who told me to write in it everyday. However, I decided to write whenever I feel like writing, whenever something happens which I would like to note down for posterity (nice word, I looked it up in the dictionary). Nevertheless, no dates, unlike normal diaries, because this diary is only for me.

         Well, today is a day to remember since I heard that I did well in my exams, and my parents are certainly surprised! I wonder if ever in my whole life, they will be more interested in me, or will ever take me out with them; all I am ever left with are the servants, waiting to fulfil my smallest desire, and yet they never know that my biggest desire is to be with my parents, loved by them.

         What is the matter with me? I know that I was not wanted, even if I am a boy and a unique child, because Dad does not have any hang-up about someone continuing his work, since his work cannot be followed up unless one is another scientific genius! And I know that I will never become one. Mom never wants to be remembered that I caused her nearly a year off her routine that she has been carrying on for nearly twenty years, and though she is very lovely and graceful, I wish sometimes that she would be dirty, unkempt and rushed so that I can go up to her and spontaneously hug her; otherwise, one has to be careful of her dress and face and accessories. No use complaining, and I have a lovely aunt and uncle, the one who gave me this diary, they take my parent’s place.

         Tonight I have a party with all my friends and Dad will arrange some games that I am sure will only interest him, but if he is there in the party, it will be great. Moreover, my mom would be the best-looking mom in the whole world! They will be present and will spend time with me.

Entry – now 7 years later, my first entry seems so childish and useless… not that anything has changed, only I have grown up and learnt many things that were hidden from me.

         Today is another special day because I have now four friends, very special ones; I met them in my college, on the first day, but at that time, I did not think that they would become so precious to me… they are Anita, Gopal, Samir and Rekha: each a little different and mad, but as a group we rock!

         Anita is so passionate about things going on in the world, about the animals maltreated, about the forests being cut in the Amazon forest (as if it makes any difference to her breathing polluted air!), about the garbage on her street, about our college’s annual picnic to Goa etc… I do not think that she would ever find the world perfect or steady, but would always try to correct someone or straighten one rule there or run after a poor destitute and give him some help! She is so kind, her blue eyes behind thick specs always twinkling and her dimples appearing to charm anyone into doing what she wants.

         Gopal, now here is someone all into work and work – not of the academic kind but physical, not helping others, but only in his own physical fitness and prowess! He wants to excel in sports, lead our nation to greater heights, and of course make a name for himself! I believe that he has the will and one-pointed drive to get there, and talent too is there, but somehow when one hears him talk, one would never imagine that he is serious about anything… always joking, and talking nonsense.

         Samir – he knows his mind, and his goal: to be a teacher in one of the best universities of the world. Any subject that he does, he comes out the best with flying colours and the least amount of work or struggle. I am sure that one day we are going to have a match between Samir and Gopal, the brain and the brawn, and have huge fun in betting…

         Rekha, she is beautiful! That is first reaction of anyone who sees her or knows her, the next comment would be that she sings and dances divinely too. All the boys keep pestering me for her telephone number, or to get her introduced to them. But for once I can show off and say no since she made me promise not to (of course she didn’t but who would like to see her go out with another boy) and that she’s not interested (another lie, she likes nothing better than to be the centre of attraction, be it boys or girls!)

         These are my friends; and I? I must be special to have them, but I am not; the only compliment that I received which I overheard too was that I was the meeting point of the other four. Am I? I do not know, but I know that it is my job whenever something goes wrong, or some help is needed, to take charge and arrange everything harmoniously. Perhaps that is my gift and yet I want to be known or be glamorous as one of them: being the nice guy can surely be a nuisance.

Entry – life is fun! If life was to stop and ask me a question: who am I? Then my answer would be that life is friends… nowadays I cannot live without them, and I feel as if I had never lived, never was alive before I knew them.

         My parents died a month back, both together in a car crash while going to a party – and my world changed! I couldn’t pretend that they were a serious loss to me because I never knew them properly, nor they me, but I did kind of love them, I think, so I do miss seeing my father’s back whenever he talked to me, and my mother’ soft goodbyes from the doorway either on her way to work or to the beauty parlour or to parties. Through all this my friends stood with me, and knowing all about me, never criticised me or tried to give advice. They are great but at the same time can be such pains in the neck… always Anita and Gopal are at loggerheads, and Rekha and Samir: they fight about everything and anything, like fashion, politics, films to literature and psychology! Sometimes I believe that they would have fallen out with each other, if I were not there to referee and control them. Samir and Gopal sometimes come to blows but that is only half-serious, since Gopal knows that it is cowardly to hit someone so much weaker than him, but Samir never leaves him alone; always behind him with his superior wit and knowledge all from some books. Rekha too pokes Anita so often that I wonder at them, next day, like best friends gossiping and sharing secrets… trust women to make men go mad! We rub against each other so often but cannot think of leaving each other and going on our own way. I wonder what would happen after college, would things remain the same between us?  

Entry – college is going to finish in 3 months and I do not yet know what I am going to do! I am not too bad in anything, neither have I excelled in anything. However, there is not a need to work: my parents have arranged it so, that all my life I do not have to work, and yet can live in comfort, and do whatever I want! But not to work? I agree that it is appealing, to live like a king and enjoy myself…yet what self-respecting guy would do it, and should I use my parents’ money? They never spent any time with me, should I make do with their money? Is this what they worked for, my security and happiness? I think not because the one trait that made them unique was the indifference to money while working in the highest paid jobs in the country!

         I need to decide about my future; all my friends, though comfortably situated, need to work and constantly mock me for my lack of self-respect to use my parents’ money. But if I don’t use it then who would use it? I am not going to get married – I like girls, had quite a few crushes too, but I believe that love is an important necessity for marriage, and I do not think I can fall in love! What do I do? The only thing that has interested me in all the years of study is to write… should I become a journalist, a writer? Perhaps that’s not too bad an idea…

Entry – we had an interesting discussion about our future, our dreams and our promises. All of us are going to leave each other and the college and go out to the four corners of the world… not too literarily yet!

         Gopal is going to train for the National Meet taking place in two years time, and then going to try to go further, into the World Meet! Wow, to see my friend on the same track with the champions of the other countries will be great! I fear that I am not a good person, since I always enjoy knowing people who make a difference to others, while personally I do not undergo any small change in my own life. Anyway, I told Gopal that I would be there to see each of his major competitions, and the rest chimed in the same. I do not know if I would be able to fulfil my promise but intend to – Gopal’s happy face at the stadium, waving to the cheering crowds makes me proud already: I am not being premature, my friend has the talent, the determination and fate too will co-operate for his fortunes.

         Anita is going to study to become an environmentalist, whatever that means, and is going to fight for the world to survive, as she says it, at least during her lifetime. I am not overly concerned with the world, selfish is the constant comment I hear from her; but when can a man make a significant difference? I know that she will persevere, and am sure that she will accomplish her goal, but I am also doubtful about the price that she will pay… will she survive or change into something else. Nothing is clean and straightforward in our government and she will be dreadfully outnumbered when she faces them, for it is not in her nature to cheat, lie or deceive.

         Samir, well he is going to be a teacher, that too of psychology and philosophy! I am sure that he is brilliant, and will be a great teacher, yet I wonder if he will enjoy teaching, since I believe that he will not find anyone who is so madly, deeply and truly in love with knowledge. Will he ignore them, and leave teaching? No, teaching is in his blood. Well, we will see: I told him, that if ever I have a kid, then he would be once his or her teacher! That is impossible, but anyway…

         Rekha, my dear girl is going to be famous, glamorous and rich beyond belief! She wants to be a professional dancer, singer and actor – a tall order. Yet she does all three of them very well, yet thousands try for this line, and I do not believe that all the right and talented get through, one should sometimes see the TV for proof: what hopeless things and people are shown, and who enjoy popularity! I am waiting to see her on TV or the stage or in a film, to know that my friend Rekha, on whom I had a crush, and who is one of my best friends, is loved by the whole nation and perhaps by the whole world. She has enough of contacts with that world of opportunity to get started, and knows too that to survive there, she must rely on herself!

         And all of them looked stunned when I said that I am going to be a writer – it just shows what my friends think about me! Well, they all rallied around me and said they were waiting for me to get the Nobel Prize for Literature and some other awards too, but when I told them about journalism, then they said that as they all read the paper everyday, they would be able to read my writings for such a low cost that it would be so much better for them; what have I done to receive such friends, who care so much about me?

Entry – it is four years now that I have left college, but I am yet drifting around. I do write in many journals and magazines, live in a beautiful and comfortable house, have enough money to travel whenever I want, listen to nobody’s advice or orders, even my editors, for they would lose a lot of money if I leave their paper. I am not being proud, but I know my worth and take care in being always my best in my writings, yet sometimes I feel like running away from all this, and go off somewhere, where there is nobody but me. Yet I do not have an excuse or reason to complain since I do not have any cause to worry, like having a wife, kids and family to support, or a job where I am dispensable, or any financial worries, or any worry at all. Nevertheless, even that can be something of a big headache: one thinks, is that all life is about? Not to have all these worries, and then live like a god? I would say no; I see many around me envious yet I wish I could make them understand that I am not happy! They just do not want to believe it; for them I must seem like one deranged if I say I am unhappy, lonely and disappointed with my life. I am so much like a rolling stone, going on my way with no care about my surroundings, yet not getting any gain out of it too; the world and all its wonders have begin to pall me…what are they anyway, not permanent and not beautiful too. Perhaps it has been my fault, yet I do not know if I can do anything to change myself or my surroundings.

         I keep in contact with my friends, talk to them often, meet them very rarely since we are at the four corners of the world: Samir in America, Gopal in Germany, Anita in Africa, Rekha is on tour most of the time, and me in India, at least based here. During my travels, I do try meeting each of them, yet we have grown apart and I do not like to impose on my friends. They are still my friends, and always will remain so. I wonder if they ever meet up together, because it seems that I am always the one who passes the news of one to the others, and I think they have come to depend on me. I do not mind, but feel sad that they do not even try by themselves to keep the relation strong and progressive; no one expects to remain as we were in college!

Entry – I have not written a single word for such a long time because of an unexpected incident in my life, whose influence has been so strong and made me do something that still seems fantastic to me.

         I now have a daughter, Anjali, not illegitimate, but adopted. So say it – I am stark, staring mad since I do not have a wife or any knowledge about raising a daughter, then why did I take her? Let me correct you, it is not I but she who has adopted me, in all her sweetness and innocence, taking on a devil! I was taking a holiday, near the Himalayas, when I visited one of the orphanages in Darjeeling. There were so many children there, and among them there was this little creature, all soft and with round eyes, with a name tag pinned on her pink frock, that I felt something melt as well as break inside me; I couldn’t bear to see her cry, and thought that if I could keep her with me, that then she would never cry. But the hell that I had to go through before the authorities agreed! I came to believe that I was a devil, a wolf in a sheep's disguise, a useless person, and all sorts of things that should not even come within hundred feet of such an angel Anjali! However, she is no angel either! She is around 6 years old, no one knows her birthday, but she has chosen one herself: the 1st of January, since, as she likes to explain, it is the beginning of something wonderful, another year. For her age, I find that she is mature and intelligent, yet innocent and mischievous like a 3-year-old baby. She stole my heart away the first time I saw her, and now after nearly 18 months, whenever I look at her, I feel so content and grateful to God to have given me one of his angels!

         These 18 months have not been easy, certainly not for her, since I changed with great difficulty all my habits, being responsible for her: there is so much to know and one has to be aware of a thousand possible disasters. Luckily, I have a woman who keeps my house, Mamta-bai, she has taken to Anjali, and is patient with me too, teaching all the little things that go into caretaking a child. I hope that Anjali is happy with me, and that she does not miss her old home, where she knew everyone and was well-loved. I do not know if I would be able to live without her any more, she is the centre of my world. I can’t live one single day without seeing her smile when she wakes, her dainty way of eating (curtsy the orphanage, she is very well-mannered), her constant questioning, her little hands that clasp so strongly, her hugs which warm my heart, her laugh which fills the entire room like little bells chiming together. Oh, it sounds so odd when I try to put down in words my love for this little angel, perhaps I would never be able to express it properly…

Entry – I just met Anita, she has changed from the last time I saw her – now all that fire has gone and she looks so much older; I was sure that something was wrong, and when I asked her about it: she replied in such length, and with so much emotion – she has not married, she did fall in love, was going to get engaged but nothing came out of it. On this point, she did not say much, nor did I want to press her because it was embarrassing. The main thing that could have pulled her out of it would be her work, and here too she was let down, by all the government obstacles. What I gathered was that she stirred up too many issues, which the government was trying to hide or ignore, and they did not react kindly to her meddling; so she got the rough treatment. When I pointed out that, this was bound to happen and that one should not let all this affect us so much, she flared up and gave me a trimming that left my ears ringing. I am sure that it did her much good, because at least she seemed alive and kicking; yet I wish I could help her, but I am not a good adviser, and ignorant in her field. She is not willing to change her field of work, but has no interest to start anew.

         The only good thing that happened was that she met my daughter and was entranced by her. My daughter, bless her, told that as she had a field trip soon, if she could explain some things about nature to her, because I was too busy (gross lie); Anita couldn’t say no, and soon they both went off for a picnic, without me since I had to catch up with some of my editors. I was not worried about Anjali, but about Anita, I spared some moments to pray, since she is not well acquainted with my daughter.

…I have something to add, now that I have heard from Anita’s own mouth an experience that has shaken her and bewildered me completely…it took place during this picnic that she and Anjali went together (she told me a few days later). Anjali strangely did not tell anything about it, perhaps she did not understand.

         Both of them were lying under some tall pine trees, with the breeze blowing and fresh flowers everywhere around, when my Anjali said quietly, “It is for this reason that one should work, to see all light and light alone. It’s so beautiful!” Now the day was bright, and the sky was clear but when Anita heard her words, something strange happened: she actually saw light and only light all around – and not the ordinary sunlight, nor earthly light but spiritual light (I am not making it up, that is her exact description). It was as if she had stepped into a world of light. She had never given much indication that she was spiritually inclined, and she was stunned by her description. The experience lasted barely a few seconds, and the world changed for her: now she does not see the world in the old manner, and personally looks so different, full of life, peace, and happiness, as if she has found her goal and her path.

         She regards my Anjali as someone very special for it was because of her, she had the experience. She left a few days back, and has vowed to remain true to her new mission, which she did not exactly elaborate upon, except that she will continue to pursue those who hurt Mother Earth. All this seems so strange and a little wacky, but what to do? Life goes on.  

Entry – a daughter is such a problem when she is only seven years old, I wonder if I will survive till she has reached womanhood. Now more than ever, we quarrel and make up immediately, because neither of us can be too angry or indifferent to each other. Mamta-bai too helps infinitely with her wise sayings culled from all her years of motherhood. However, fatherhood differs quite from that, and there I struggle all by myself. Anjali is growing up, and I do not want her to; perhaps I should find someone who can fix her permanently in this stage of innocence, mischief, wisdom and curiosity. Ah, what problems beset my life, the only thing that is of no worry, is my writing – now I am writing so fluently and continuously that my editors are beside themselves and continue to push me. Let us see what comes.

Entry – I met Samir, in the airport for a short time, and strangely found myself at loss for words… it was such a surprise, meeting him and yet he hardly expressed his pleasure. Perhaps he was worried about something, it seemed to me that he was preoccupied; he had aged quite a bit, and looked like a typical professor of psychology and philosophy, full sleeved shirt and trousers and a tie! He said that he was visiting India for some conference, and would not be staying long, meaning that there would not be any opportunity for meeting and spending time together, sharing our experiences, or having a meal together. I became silent soon, since I felt uncomfortable in trying to strike a conversation when he obviously felt no such desire.

         He was certainly surprised to see my daughter, and was quite good to her. I left them for some time together when I went to check our flight time and put away our luggage. When I came back, Samir looked quite stunned, but he did not explain, only a quick goodbye and walked fast towards his gate. I asked Anjali what happened, but she said that they were just talking about his work, and her toys. I left it at that, for what would be the use of troubling my mind about Samir. He has changed and so have I.

         We went to sit in the lounge, and to have some food, when to my surprise and great pride, I heard and saw Gopal on the big TV in the lounge. He was receiving his medal for the National Meet, but I realised that it was replaying last year’s competitions, the only one that I had missed seeing, since I was busy with Anjali; yet to see him on TV was wonderful! I immediately phoned him – and explained that I was calling only for pleasure. He was quite pleased and talked for some time, but somewhere it felt that he treated me like another fan, instead of his friend; he talked to Anjali too, explaining his work. She innocently asked him if he prayed before any item, since I had taught her to do so before any important work. I silently laughed, because I knew well that for Gopal God was something he could do without – a hard-core positivist believer.

         Perhaps I am judging my friends a bit too harshly nowadays, since they all are achieving something in their life, while I am nowhere, with no interest too of achieving anything except a beautiful world with my love, Anjali.

Entry – it’s with difficulty that I sit now to write: my profession is to write and deal with words and bring something beautiful out of me, but today I am trying to express someone else’s experience, and that stumps me.

         Recently there was a Meet where Gopal took part, and only one day I managed to watch him live: he had vaulting, and did it very well. I was surprised since he had told me that this was one item that he would never perform well, and that he always tried to miss practice. He won the gold medal, and I stopped by his place to say congratulations: he was in a jovial mood, cracking jokes and drinking. Suddenly he became dead serious and asked if I was free, he had something important to share with his old friend from college. I was free, and curious about his strange manner, and therefore I questioned him. After a long silence, he said that it all took place after I called him from the airport. I was surprised, but kept quiet. He had a practice that afternoon, and it was vaulting. Now there was no way to miss this practice, since a very important coach was coming to oversee his progress. He had gone with a heavy heart, believing that he would only make a fool out of himself, and be surely taken out of the national team. As he warmed up, the coach came up to him, and asked him about his figure. It was complicated and the same one that he performed today; after listening quietly to him, the coach told him to see the whole action in his mind, and imagine himself doing it. Then he added a strange advice: to think about God and do the vault.

         Now this remark right after my daughter’s question puzzled him. Why the sudden emergence of God in his life? Anyway, he got ready at the end of the track, and did what he was told. He pictured the whole motion, then feeling awkward, asked God for help and guidance and protection. He opened his eyes and looked down towards the vault. Suddenly he saw himself running towards the vault and performing, and the funny part was that all the time, he saw a hand guiding him and protecting him. The hand was shadowy but supported him throughout the motion. This vision broke only when he heard his coach insistently calling him to do the vault. With another prayer sent up, he started and finished exactly as he saw in his vision! Moreover, he did feel a support, something that led him through the movement. His coach was ecstatic, for it was faultlessly done.

         Gopal did no believe that all this had happened because of his vision and God and his prayers, but just an occasion where he did his best. Therefore, during today’s competitions, he prayed similarly, bargaining with God that if today’s work was faultless, he would believe in Him forever. And nothing special happened though it was one of his better efforts. I tentatively asked him if he still believed that it was God’s intervention, and he was not sure. Nevertheless, I had no doubt, and yet felt sympathetic towards Gopal, he who left the spiritual and mystic world to other fools, now he was left with an experience that he did not want to believe in, since it would change and affect him strongly. I do not know what will be the result if Gopal would change, but I do not care much. However, his experience has somehow affected me, and reinforced my belief in God and His Love for this world.

Entry – I had believed that I am who I am and that never in the world could someone change me, or influence me so strongly that I would change completely and not recognise myself, but the impossible is taking place, and all out of love! And its cause is Anjali. She is pushing open certain doors that I had kept close or ignored, but now with her smile full of sunlight and a hug she trespasses innocently and does not even know her crime. But what reason do I have to complain? Only I miss the peace and unchangeable routine that I had. Now time after time, something happens which shakes my foundation, like Anita’s and Gopal’s personal experiences, and I am left wondering what all this fuss and fury and struggle by man is really for? Perhaps one day I will read some wise man’s book and get the answer…or perhaps my darling will tell me!

Entry – Samir, my friend from college, what has happened to him? So much took place and he did not even think of telling anyone at all!

         One fine day, I received a call from him, saying that he was in town and would like to meet; it was so out of character that I was scared. When I met him, and saw the change in him, I did not know what to think or feel. There he was, looking so young and carefree; that I could not believe that he was Samir. Not even in college, did he look so happy and rested. He pulled me enthusiastically to one corner of the coffee shop and ordered two cappuccinos for us. I asked him if all was well, and the reason for his obvious excitement. He laughed quietly and said that what happened to him led back to the time when I met him accidentally in the airport. Now that was well over a year back, what could have taken place? He waited till the waiter placed our order on the table and then started on his story: when I had left him with my daughter and they were discussing her dolls, she remarked that she was like God and that she could make the dolls do whatever she wanted; yet she could never know if they liked her or not, whether they were happy with whatever she gave them. When Samir agreed with her on this point, she then said, that God, the real one, was so lucky because he knew what his dolls felt and wanted. This stunned Samir. He had not expected my Anjali, who was yet a child, to speak about such things and so confidently (by the way, he congratulated me on her upbringing, I did not know how to reply) and thought that perhaps she was not aware of the deeper meaning of her words. However, she had insisted that it was so, God did know everything there was to know, and was very kind since he always gave her what she wanted. She asked if this was what he taught to his students. At this point, I had appeared, and instead of looking like a fool in front of me, he had made his escape.

         But what was special took place when he was back and teaching his students. One day he had a real dunce batch, who wanted to learn all about Indian philosophy, and the subject under discussion was the belief that everything in this world is made of consciousness; the students were half sleeping and not caring but he went on talking; only when he lifted his eyes to see his students, he saw all around him only white light! For a moment, he thought that he had fainted, but then the light, which was like a palpable substance, was vibrant and alive and so peaceful. It lasted for a few seconds then slowly everything appeared normal and so down to earth. He was so caught up in the experience that his students had to sprinkle water on his face to attract his attention!

         After that day, he slowly began to change and become more of the person that he now is. By this time, my mouth was wide open and my coffee had turned cold. What was happening? All my friends were suddenly having spiritual experiences, since Samir was sure that his experience was about pure consciousness in matter. Why them? And why at all? All this questions still trouble me…

Entry – today I feel that I have aged twenty years, and all because of Rekha and her revelation about my daughter…

         Let me start from the beginning: Rekha was giving a concert, a very important one and she had sent me tickets. Therefore, I did attend her concert with my daughter, and was transported for two hours. Rekha outdid herself, never before was she so good and original. Now I felt like calling her an artist, she had grown into her own powers and could now express herself without borrowing or trying to outdo someone else. At the end of the concert, I visited her back-stage, and she invited me for dinner at her place the next day.

         When I arrived the next day with flowers and Anjali, she welcomed us warmly. She was still single, mainly because she had no time to spend with someone else! We were in her sitting room after a tasty dinner, when she asked me about Anjali, who was sleeping on the couch, probing quite deeply. Sensing my surprise, she laughed and said that she did not mean anything only that something was bothering her. I asked her to be frank, after a slight pause, she said that it was ridiculous but she had seen Anjali in her dreams. Now that really took the cake - but seeing her serious made me shut up.

         Slowly she explained, for a long time now, every night she was having one recurrent dream. Always it began with her being at the foot of a huge mountain in the middle of wilderness that had a silver cataract cutting deep into its side. The water fell from a great height and created many rainbows, but strangely never made loud noise. At the top, near the source of the waterfall, she saw a grand piano, black and shining. And one could hear all around music, delicate as well as haunting. The scene next shifted to the top of the same mountain, now she is at the piano and creating the same music. Then again, the piano disappears, and she is standing all alone, near the waterfall. Slowly a flute picks up the melody and plays it sweetly, so softly that she strains to see its source. While she looks around for the flutist, notes appear out of nowhere! There were actually Western notes all black and dainty, dancing in front of her eyes. The music was not Indian or Western, nor of any known kind – but as each note was played, it skipped down the cataract and moved around the surrounding green forest. Fascinated she watched the notes until they all clustered near the pool at the base of the mountain, and then there appeared a young girl. She grew out of the notes, and was as real as anyone else. This child of music danced away among trees and on the water! Such beautiful dance and exquisite expression Rekha had never seen. She realised that slowly the music was fading, and the girl shimmered and disappeared until only notes again remained. They too were soon lost from sight, only the echo of that music lingered in the ears of Rekha. The dream did not change ever, nor did it fade in intensity.

         The surprising element was yet to come, Rekha claimed that Anjali was the young girl dancing near the waterfall, one who emerged out of the notes and disappeared into them again. What could I say? Rekha is an artist, with all the accompanying imagination and volatile emotions, it may well be that she is mistaking Anjali for that mysterious creature. I do not remember what I replied, but listened as she explained that nowadays she only tried to express a little of that music and dance here in the gross physical world. There was no other reason for her sudden growth as an artist.

         The evening ended soon, since I wanted to return home and ponder on her words. Anjali luckily slept throughout the recounting, so she was not at all disturbed. But what do I do? To whom do I talk? On the other hand, should I just drop all this as crap and continue my life forgetting the fact that all my friends were affected strongly by my darling daughter who is hardly eight years old! And according to them, she changed their lives for the better – or led them to change their lives. And all are happy with the change in me too. Yes, since Anjali appeared in my life, everything has improved and so have I.    

Entry - today is a very special day, because from today my whole life is going to change. Last night I had a vision, not a dream, but a vision. All my life I was wondering about this world and why it is so imperfect, and what God’s plan is? In my vision, I saw a world, perfect and golden. Man did not exist as he does here, he had changed totally, perhaps had become a god, I do not exactly know. However, there was one lady who was very prominent among the others, almost like a being of light; I did not get to see her face clearly, because I was watching the whole scene from afar, but I could feel her. Everything was like liquid, flowing and mixing yet being pure as ever. I got the feeling that all were of the same substance and yet presented something of their own. It was so wonderful that I wanted to be there, to move with them; I stretched myself and tried to move towards them, but alas, I was fixed to the ground. I tried again and cried out for help, and only that one lady turned towards me, and smiled…

         I got up with a start, wanted to hold on to that vision, but it slowly faded leaving only faint images behind. Today I am like a new person, full of hope for humanity’s future. I believe that one day man will reach that stage, and be as perfect as he can ever be. And what can I do to help? Perhaps much, perhaps little, what matters is that I have found my goal and will forge through any difficulty to reach it.  I know that I will be encouraged and helped and perhaps guided by Anjali. Who she is and what role she plays in the plan of God I do not know, but she is precious and unique, and it is my highest honour to know her, and be with her. She is destined for great things. Both of us have our work laid out from before, and let us see what happens… life will never be the same from now on.

 

 

“ Today I am like a new person, full of hope for humanity’s future. I believe that one day man will reach that stage, and be as perfect as he can ever be. And what can I do to help? Perhaps much, perhaps little, what matters is that I have found my goal and will forge through any difficulty to reach it.”

“Everything was like liquid, flowing and mixing yet being pure as ever. I got the feeling that all were of the same substance and yet presented something of their own.”

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